Weird times lie ahead, Harry
by tomsgirl79
Summary: A ‘sugar induced’ Fic. Weird times lie ahead for our hero Harry potter. It’s the last day of term and he is in divination. And what do I see in my crystal ball? Men in drag? Double entendre abound? consider your self forewarned. This fic is nuts.


Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this one shot. The characters are all J.K. Rowling's.

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Moody sat at the back of Trelawny classroom. Trying to look inconspicuous. Which wasn't easy. Especially with the cowbell that Molly made him wear to stop him creeping up on her. George Weasley was also hiding. No one was expecting anything out of the ordinary to happen. In a way they were right. For example, there would be no flying elephants in sparkly pink tutus. Nobody (who shall remain nameless because the author believes in protecting the criminally insane) in a lime green bowler admitting he was a twit and Voldermort was back or Umbridge was actually a badly transfigured toad. This miraculous transformation had occurred when said twit in a lime green bowler had kissed her. This had course been an accident he was aiming for the frog to her left. Any one who disagreed would be sentenced to be ignored and have nasty things printed about them.) 

There would defiantly be no love struck pixies. Unless this gets totally out of hand. Which it may? It depends on the author's will power.

However this was Trelawney's classroom, it was the last Friday afternoon before summer and one half of the two greatest pranksters since the marauders were hiding in the classroom. This was going to be a whole lot of fun for someone.

Harry and Ron entered divination and promptly began to choke on the incense. Personally Harry always had his doubts about Trelawney's incense. He always suspected it was always something else. Especially with some of the predictions Trelawny made. The prime example being when Trelawny predicted that Harry was going to have a very difficult few years ahead of him or he would receive many gifts in late July.

Still, it was the last Friday before they left for the summer and Harry was in a cheerful mood. Which is good because it's all about to go horribly wrong.

"My children as the fates have informed me that you have all passed your exams and it is the last lesson before the summer you may have free use of any of the tools in the room. Although I do ask that you be careful with the balls as they are quite fragile, aren't they Neville?"

Harry snickered at the unforgettable lesson in which Neville had managed to drop several crystal balls and crack them. Trelawney's comment of "cracked balls harm your aurora" had not exactly helped matters much.

Although he had to admit that Neville was much less clumsy now.

"Quick game of cards mate?" asked Ron reaching in to his bag.

"Ooh, strip poker or bridge?" a camp voice replied. The voice was most certainly not Harry's. Unless in the time it has taken the author to right this he has morphed into Fred's twin.

"Bloody hell who is that?" eked a very frightened Ron.

" My dear brother it is I, your long lost brother."

"Well that narrows it down a lot. At least we know it's not Ginny." Said Harry. "Where are you?"

At the thoughts of Ginny's name Harry raised an eyebrow and another part of his anatomy.

"That I can not say but I do know that Harry should not try what he is thinking. Especially not with our sister." Said the voice.

Harry went a delicate shade of pink. "Who are you and how did you know that?" he asked.

"Mate even Ginny has noticed you making eyes at her."

"She has you know," said the voice.

"Stop avoiding the question." snapped Harry. Sulking that he had been found out.

"All I am allowed to tell you is my name rank and number." Sniffed the ominous voice.

"So tell me," said Ron impatiently

"Forge Weasley, prankster, 01041978 sir." Answered the voice followed by what sounded like a very smart salute.

"George what are you doing in Hogwarts? I thought you left." Hissed Ron.

"No my dear brother. My name is Forge and that's all I am allowed to tell you. So don't go trying any of your oh so subtle questioning on me."

"Ah my children are you communicating with the fates?" said a voice that was too high to be Trelawny.

Harry and Ron span round and were confronted with Dean, but this was no ordinary Dean. He was in drag. Some one wolf whistled. Some one who badly needed glasses.

"Who's got hold of your nuts?" asked Ron

"Seamus, last time I looked." Replied Dean. True to form Seamus came wondering over at the sound of his name.

"Bloody hell you have got big nuts!" exclaimed Ron.

"Thank you" smirked Seamus. "I would offer you one but Dean went and sucked the chocolate off 'em last night and the he put 'em back. The cheeky bugger."

It should be pointed out at this point that Seamus was carrying a large bowl of what should have been chocolate covered hazel nuts. The sort you get in quality streets that no one likes.

"That won't fool the stairs you know." Said Harry knowledgably and without thinking.

"And how would you know?" asked Dean and Ron at the same time.

"Spooky" said Harry.

"Don't change the subject." Said Dean

"So that's what you were doing. Well I am glad you failed because other wise I would have had to have a world with you. Voldermort may be afraid of you but I am not." Said Forge. At the sound of the most evil wizards name several girls fainted. Poor Lavender fainted at Dean's feet. She is still in therapy because of the view she got when she woke up. (Dean had taken the wizards view to wearing skirts)

"So how do you know?" demanded Dean totally ignoring Lavender.

"Well you know I have been having these weird dreams? Well in one I was walking up the girls stairs dressed like that and then they changed depositing me on top of a very annoyed Ginny. Who told me the secret of defeating Voldermort while doing other" Harry paused as if racking his immense brain for the right word. After a while he gave up. "Things" he finished lamely. Boys have limited vocabularies. It's a scientific fact. However to be fair to Harry a word to describe what Ginny had been doing had not be invented. Well at least not one that is suitable for this fic.

"Wow" said Dean. "And this is relevant because?"

"Because he is trying to change the subject," said Ron. Comprehension dawned on Forge.

"You were doing what with my sister?" He screeched.

"Hey I am a hormonally charged teenage boy. I think with other parts of my anatomy." Protested Harry.

"Well as long as you don't put it near my sister I may let you live." Said Forge.

"What are you on about?" asked Ron perplexed.

"Ron go back to day dreaming about Hermione." Said Dean.

"I wasn't!" protested Ron.

The entire class who had abandoned all pretence of work when Dean entered the room rolled their eyes at this statement. Ron and Hermione had been sneaking off for a snog since the beginning of the year and still referred to it as extra prefect duties.

"Any way what do you mean if I let you live?" said Harry ignoring Ron's

Protest. To be frank it gave him the collywobbles to think about his friends doing things and he knew that Ron was not about to admit it.

"You touch my sister and I will make you life hell!" snapped Forge in an uncharacteristic burst of temper.

"Wow. I am shaking. With laughter. My life is already hell." Said Harry darkly.

"Bring.it.on." said Forge.

"Down boys. I can make my own mind up and Harry knows not to push his luck." Said Ginny. Appearing as if from nowhere.

"How did you get here?" asked Ron perplexed (bless him)

"Well as I understand it, when a man loves a women…"

The entire class who burst into a rousing rendition of when a man loves a woman interrupted Ginny.

As the class came to the climax of the song, Moody revealed himself.

"Stop stop. If I hear that song one more time I will hex the singer into Azkaban!" Moody screamed. "You er, boy," snapped Moody as looked Dean up and down "why are you in drag?"

"I wanted to er, play a joke on the girls" said Dean turning red with embarrassment.

"Where is Trelawny? She should be here controlling you" Moody growled.

"Er, well. You know that Mundungus said he could get her some cheep tea. Unfortunately it was really catnip. That's why professor McGonagall is fast asleep in front of the fire. I came to find her because I am supposed to have transfiguration now but Professor McGonagall was now where to be found. Then Professor Snape told us she had come for a cup of tea with professor Trelawny." Explained Ginny.

True enough Professor McGonagall was snoozing in her cat form in front of the fire. Trelawny her self had not drunk any tea. She had in fact run of with Professor Snape. The pair are now living some where in America and are thought to be very happy.

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A/N 

Well what did you think to that little piece of madness? Was it good? Bad? Ugly? Let me know!

I got so down working on some other projects (coming soon!) that this is the natural reaction. My friends think I am mad as well so you are not on your own.


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